Definitely Not Human (the Awkward Sex Remix)
by 898700
Summary: Darcy knows Loki is not human. Not that anybody would be able to forget, given that Loki keeps insisting on it. Still, sometimes Darcy kind of forgets just how much not human Loki is. And then they have sex. Written for the Avengers Remix.


Written for the Avengers Remix, the remixed work is Definitely Not Human by ZetaTauri.

Ten variations on a theme in the form of ten perfect drabbles, 100 words each. Loki and Darcy Lewis have awkward sex. Knotting or something similar might or might not be involved. Questionable Consent, Multiple Orgasms, Jötun Loki, Established Relationship, mindless porn, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Alien Biology.

Or: How to Write a Remix by Taking the Remixed Work's Tags and Running Away with Them.

* * *

**1. Humans have knots, Aesir have not.**

"Wait wait wait," she says in a rush, her high-brain functions finally kicking in. Knee-jerk reactions take place without her needing to think, and her hand rushes to the right place before they end up stuck. It's a well-practiced movement, one that every boy and girl is taught in sex-ed, one she's used multiple times before.

This time, though, she doesn't find what's supposed to be there.

"Where's your knot?" she asks, disentangling herself in order to take a look.

That (and Loki's horrified you-mortals-are-so-weird look) kills the mood.

"You mortals are so weird," he eventually says, once she explains.

* * *

**2. Aesir have knots, Humans have not.**

"Have you done this before?" he asks, nibbling and biting and tearing at her clothes.

"Well, duh."

It doesn't stop him from asking "So you know what's going to happen?"

Darcy glares at him. Of course she knows what's going to happen. She's the one who's been trying to make it happen almost from the get go.

He rolls his eyes and continues showing prowess with both mouth and hands.

"Sweet mother of god!" Okay, she didn't see that coming.

"I specifically asked—" he attempts to say two hours later, while they are still waiting.

Yeah, yeah, the fucker.

* * *

**3. Both Aesir and Humans have knots. Loki is neither.**

There's a weird feeling of emptiness between her legs despite having Loki's pee-pee inside of her wee-wee, and she knows he feels it too.

"I told you," he says, voice dripping with self-loathing. His tail would be between his legs were he a dog. A blue-skinned, red-eyed dog with an affinity with ice, that is.

"Other creatures have sex without a knot," she says, trying to save the mood. It's a mistake, as Loki tenses further, and not in a funny-good way.

"I'm not a creature," he growls and pulls out. He never wears his Jotün form during sex again.

* * *

**4. Neither Aesir nor Humans have knots. Jotnar do.**

"Finally!" she yells, grabbing Loki's ass and sinking her nails in it to prevent him for retreating.

He laughs, carefree and a bit smugly, insecurities finally put aside.

"You wouldn't be thanking me, was I to take you without proper preparation."

There's so much she can retort, from _'I'm a big girl, I can take it' _to _'You didn't have to torture me, you fucking tease'_, but Loki is pushing his already big fat cock and its slowly enlarging knot into her, tiny pushes obviously designed to kill her the most deliciously way possible, so she forgives him. For now.

* * *

**5. Both Humans and Jotnar have knots. Aesir do not.**

"Like this?" he asks, using a bit more force.

"Yeah, that's it," she says. "That's just perfect." She usually wouldn't be so full of praise, especially as the sex is good but nothing to write home about. But this? This is Darcy having sex with the equivalent of a thousand years-old virgin.

"I don't want to hurt you," Loki says, even if it's his pride what's at risk of being hurt.

"I'm tough, baby," she quips, and uses her weight to sink deeper and hold Loki in place while his knot expands further, her eyes focused on his pleasure-slacked face.

* * *

**6. Neither Humans nor Jotnar have knots. Aesir do.**

"This is weird," he says, apparently not used to being able to move so freely.

"But good?"

"Really, really good." He's like a child with a new toy, pausing every now and then to check how far he can retreat his dick without actually slipping out of her. Which would be funny were they not in the middle of sex following a tiring breakdown on Loki's part.

He then proceeds to pull out completely, which is really, really unfair, as he _moves away_.

"Hey, mister, what—"

"I want to try something," he says, and proceeds to eat her out.

* * *

**7. Nobody has knots. Darcy has a kink.**

"I know you have done stranger things."

"I have not," the God of Chaos and Mischief stats, but Darcy can see she has his attention.

"Really? Because I seem to remember a story with a horse …"

"_Pfff_." And seriously, how many people can say they've been kidnapped _and _blown a raspberry at by a Norse God?

Later that night, back at her apartment after being rescued by Thor (of course), she and Earth #1's supervillain share a look.

"Passable," Thor's brother admits, buttoning up the nice black shirt he'd been wearing earlier.

Experimental sex with shape-shifters is … interesting.

* * *

**8. Everybody has knots. Loki is a little shit.**

"I'm not sure."

"You are the one with the thesis about how sexuality impacts in modern politics."

She raises an eyebrow. That might be the truth, but she isn't the only one with a thesis on said subject.

"You just want to be a troll," and of course he wants to be a troll, the un-knotted sex they just had being the most pathetic thing Darcy had ever experienced in her life.

"I just want to share a life-changing experience with the rest of your people."

Smug little shit. Of course, Darcy is one as well, so she simply smiles.

* * *

**9. Multiple orgasms! Not everybody has them.**

"And this is normal?" he asks once she's starting to get down from her fifth orgasm's high.

It takes Darcy a moment to answer. "It isn't for you people?"

He says "No," and starts pumping his hips as much as the knot allows, until another orgasm is pulled out of her.

"Then what do you do while you wait?"

"It varies." He flicks his fingers over her clitoris, making her tremble. "Most people use the time to get up to date with each other's lives."

"And you?"

He grins at her, "Usually, I play tafl," and makes her come again.

* * *

**10. Multiple orgasms! Not everybody can handle them.**

"I'm going to have to tell The Avengers, you realize," she says, looking at the dazed and confused Loki in her bed. "Something along the lines of _'Hey guys, want to trap the God of Mischief? Just give him a wank, or ten'_. You think Stark might be up for it?"

"Wha?"

"Okay, not enough neurons back on," she sing-songs to herself, and bends down to lick at the lines across his chest. As expected, he comes again.

"Too muuusch," he babbles when she keeps at it.

"Yeah, you mister turned my car into ice cream. Not forgiving you soon."


End file.
